I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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