"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize