I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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