you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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