I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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