You're so nebulous sometimes
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
