I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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