I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
