my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
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Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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