Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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