Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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