i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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