if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize