They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
