ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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