Your face is a jimmy john
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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