I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao