Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?