i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!