yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?