theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT