your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
