You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
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My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
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How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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