It's like God shit irony all over that family
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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