after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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