Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
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