I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
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She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
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I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants