Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner