and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
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When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell