five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself