Having a random hookup so left but love u
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.