Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?