Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
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all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
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My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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