What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
