Your tits are I can't wait for
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
