What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
