260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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