I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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