I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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