I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
third nipple confirmed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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