I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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