how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
