You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
