once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
