Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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