Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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