Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
