i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
