She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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