My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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