You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I wish you could order shots online.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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