Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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