if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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