how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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