There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
