I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
