we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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