maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
