just come out here and I will go home with you...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize