Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He passed out mid-signature
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He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
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Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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